August 2009
13 posts
It’s 2 AM, you just walked 1.5 miles to McDonalds, and not only have they stopped serving the dollar menu, but now your broke, exhausted, and have to walk back. 3:30 AM. You made it. But now your food is cold. What do you do:
What you need:
McDonalds
Hamburgers
Nuggets
Fries
Apple Pies
What you should have:
Air Conditioning/Heater unit
Coffee maker
First off, turn on the coffee...
brandflakesforbreakfast →
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Old/New Pizza
Hate waking up, nothing to eat, no cereal, no eggs, just pizza from some party 2 nights ago. That hasn’t been refrigerated. You could microwave it, but that just makes the sauce burning hot, the crust cold, and the cheese all shitty. You could put it in the oven for 15 minutes, but being a buisiness man myself, I sure as hell don’t have that kind of time.
What you need:
Old pizza
...
Crackpan Jamboree
Rough week, your wife’s a bitch, and maybe you drank a little too much tonight. But damn, you’re hungry, and back at your apartment, alone, and hungry, and theres only one fucking egg. Shit, no groceries/lean pockets/candy, I feel like a homeless person. Wait, sorta got some stuff? No problem
What you need:
An egg
Half a tomato/vegetable
Half a red onion/vegetable
Ham/other redish...
Motel Cuisine (1) (Soup)
I stayed in a lot of cheapish Super 8 Motels over the last couple weeks, and frequently got hungry at night. They’re usually off in the boonies or near an airport, so if youre lucky, you might find a near by gas station to shop at. And if youre really lucky, that gas station will sell a fine bottle of Bud Ice to go with your meal.
What you need:
Gas station
Can of soup
What most motels...
Hotdogs
Hotdogs are a bitch. You either have to fire up the grill, wait for it to get warm, then stand there like an idiot while the things cook. Or go grandma style and boil them, slice them like a cucumber and eat them with a fork and knife. Fuck that.
What you need:
Hotdogs
Buns
Toaster
Optional:
Ketchup
Mustard
Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce (highly recommended)
If the dogs are frozen or...
Popcorn
You really want popcorn, but don’t have the microwavable kind, just that healthy airpopped stuff. You’d have to be a real jackass to find an airpopper, fire it up, then clean that shit when youre finished. No problem.
What you need:
Airpop popcorn
Microwave
Paperbag
Optional:
Butter
Salt
Pour a few handfulls of popcorn kernels into the paper bag (preferably the lunch sack...